Mentoring matters wherever you are in your professional and personal life. I truly believe that intentionally creating mentoring relationships is the key to career and personal success. As John Crosby puts it so succinctly: “Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction”.
Having mentors who can guide and encourage you based on their experiences and knowing how to ask the right questions is the smartest way to advance professionally, as well as personally.
It is said that when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. A mentor is a teacher who appears at a formative stage in life to show you the way through their example and encouragement. In certain instances, these guides choose us. In others, we gravitate toward them in the hopes of learning new skills or simply being inspired. Long-term, mentoring can build confidence, enhance skills and knowledge, bring clarity, and perhaps get you to where you want to be a lot quicker. Throughout our lives, if we want to continue to learn and grow, having mentors by our side can truly make the difference.
Moral Support
For many of us, the best way to cope with challenging or unpredictable times is to talk to someone we can trust about what we are thinking, feeling, or experiencing. It certainly seems that now, more than ever is a moment when we could all use a mentor, a sounding board, a shoulder on which to vent or cry, some professional or personal guidance, and more. Mentors might be available through a formal mentor program at work or in a professional association such as Women Communicators of Austin whose peer mentor program I founded some years ago and still continue to serve as a mentor. Other mentors as I’ve mentioned might simply come along or you might choose someone who is willing to work with you to achieve your goals.
Difference between a mentor and a coach
To me, a significant difference between a mentor and a coach is whether they have a vested interest or not. Mentors are typically objective third parties who have no vested interest. They’re serving as a mentor because they care about your success and/or share a commitment to giving back. The relationship can be short- or longer-term, and is usually ad-hoc. As sounding boards and trusted advisors, they listen, ask leading questions, give objective, honest feedback, and offer guidance to help you evaluate what steps to take in career decisions, work challenges, or personal issues. It’s usually based on their own experiences. They may also be willing to open doors for you through their networks.
On the other hand, a professional career or life coach usually works with clients in a formal partnership, addressing identified goals over a specified period. The coach might offer emotional support in their work with you too. However, often they are not experts or knowledgeable in your specific field or personal situation. They are process experts working with you towards change or self-improvement. They differ in their offerings, certifications, methods, and expertise. You will pay them for their services, and they agree to work with you based on a business contract. Therefore, they do have a vested interest.
Seeking a mentor
As I mentioned earlier, some mentors find you, while others you intentionally seek out. I’m often asked, “How do I know whether a mentor or a coach is the right choice for me?” It really depends, there may not be an either/or answer to this question, as many people call on both coaches and mentors at different times in their careers.
When you are choosing a mentor, it is important to choose a person who is where you want to be and that you feel you can trust. Finding a mentor that you connect with comes down to seeking someone who:
- Is approachable
- A good listener
- Asks great questions
- Is known by you or someone you trust
- Will be straight with you, good or bad
- Is well-connected
- Has been where you are or has had experience in your business or profession.
Is there anyone to avoid choosing?
Not really. However, over the years, I have realized that there is one position that seems to fall between the two categories of mentor or coach. That is your supervisor/s or boss. Although some bosses can be great mentors, both while you’re working for them and afterward, they may have different goals for you and may not necessarily have your best interests at heart.
A good boss can be both a mentor and a coach, setting the example for us from which to learn, showing empathy, supporting our efforts, and sharing good practices with us. They are usually great at correcting negative work behaviors, encouraging additional training, and providing guidance on career paths.
However, a boss can’t be objective all the time. The challenge is that you can’t or shouldn’t always say what’s actually in your head as it may impact your working relationship. If you aren’t careful and/or share too much, he or she may have to choose between supporting you or negatively impacting his or her own position. In other words, they do have a vested interest, so be cautious. Think before you share, although that’s not to say you shouldn’t trust or ask for guidance.
Final thoughts
Throughout my career, I’ve had many mentors at different stages, and of all ages – peers, younger or older. Some are professionals in my fields of conservation, communications, and nonprofit management, while others have business acumen, interpersonal skills or experience that has added value to my work and life. Some have been with me for years, and I still look to them for guidance today.
While some mentors will come and go, others will become your close friends and long-term supporters. Whichever kind they are, they will be intrinsically valuable people in your life. And, if you choose to mentor someone else, you can become that valuable person in theirs.